The first bag delivery was a very emotional one for me. I received a phone call from my sister telling me that a baby in their NICU would be taken off the ventilator later that morning, and was wondering if I happened to have a bag in my car. I said I didn't, but when I got off of work, I would head home and grab one and bring it back to the hospital. When I got off at 6am, I drove home, and the tears started streaming. I was overcome with the grief for this family, for myself, for my precious baby girl, and for this precious baby girl who would be passing in a matter of hours. It was a hard delivery. I pulled up to the front of the hospital still in tears. My sister met me because I was not ready to meet a family in this process. One day maybe, but not yet, my own grief is still too fresh and raw. Bug had tears in her eyes ass well. She was supposed to get off at 7am, but decided to stick around until the family showed up in order to present them with the bag, and be with them as they said goodbye to their daughter. I honestly don't know how she does it. She is one strong cookie! From what Bug told me, the mom was extremely thankful for the items in the bag, and will cherish them forever. that is all I want to hear! This is why I do this!
For Rosalynn's first birthday in Heaven, I wanted to make a delivery to the hospital I gave birth to her in. So on April 19th, exactly one year from the day that I walked into those doors only to find out my beautiful daughter's heart had stopped, I met with Joan.
Joan has been an integral part of my healing process. She is one of the chaplains at Ohio State University Medical center that deals with baby loss. She took Rosie and bathed her, dressed her, and presented her to me all wrapped in her pink knitted blanket to be baptized. She sat with me for hours and let me cry. She spent time with my family and most of all treated my beautiful angel with love and respect. She found a beautiful dress to put my baby girl in that we ended up burrying her in. She also rounded up a memory box that now holds the few things I have to cherish.
My sister and Aunt walked into the hospital and were greeted with hugs and smiles. Joan was ecstatic to see me after this whole year, and was even more thrilled to find out we were expecting Rosie's brother or sister. We sat in her office and talked for a good hour. She told us that she had just come from a family who lost their baby that day. This makes me so sad that a project like mine is even needed! I ached for that family, because exactly one year ago we had been in the same situation. I know the hell they will be going through for the next few months; the questions, the pain, the dark places. At that moment, the family felt like there would be no tomorrow, that their lives had ended. Yes, their lives had ended the way that they have known them, but all I wanted to do was go up there, hug the mom and dad, and tell them that things will get better, that the pain will never really go away, but the days will get easier to get through. I was living proof that one year later I was smiling, pregnant again, and filled with hope; feelings that on April 19/20th 2010 I never thought I would experience again.
Of course we took pictures!
|The bags....if you can see the embroidery, that was from my aunt, and the other side of the bag has the Project Sweet Peas Logo|
|Bug, Me, and Joan! I love the little bears peaking their heads out the top of the bags!!|